Jar Of Hearts
by CarelessCookieLover
Summary: Carmen Howle is unperfect. When her best friend turns on her, she has nobody she can turn to. But there's always Johnny Taylor... Rated T because of cutting, and swearing, and brief references of rape.
1. Chapter 1

Carmen sighed as she walked into the kitchen. Lily looked up at her, and Carmen (remembering why she wasn't talking to Lily) glared.

"_Don't be so mean to him, Lily. He's only little."_

"_Oh, and you're nice to him?"_

'_Yes, I am actually! You're just being a bitch!"_

"_Look who's talking!"_

"Ooh, somebody's a grumpy cow today." Elektra said.

"Ugly, grumpy cow." Lily corrected.

Carmen felt her eyes prickle. She picked up one of the glass plates, not even stopping herself, and she went to throw it.

Faith grabbed her arm. "Carmen!" she said, snatching the plate from her. "You could have seriously hurt someone!"

Of course. Never mind what they are doing to _her, _but if she attempted to do anything to them, she'd get into trouble.

"Just leave her, Faith. She can't take being called anything. She's a bitch, a cow, and she's really stupid." Lily said, rather childishly. "And she spends way too much time in front of a mirror, so I'm surprised it hasn't cracked yet at her ugliness."

Okay, that was it. Carmen walked towards Lily, clenched her hand into a fist, and punched her, hard.

Lily reeled back with a scream, clutching her eye. Carmen then turned and walked out of the kitchen.

"Carmen, get back here!" Mike shouted, but Carmen ignored him, running up the stairs. She walked into Elektra's room and began smashing and tearing everything she could find. She messed up her bed covers, sent things flying everywhere, before moving to Lily's room and doing the same.

Carmen threw something glass at the wall but let out a gasp of pain as it rebounded and shattered on her arm, cutting all the way down.

But…it felt like…she was at peace. Carmen walked out of Lily's room, leaving her arm to bleed.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Mike shouted as he ran towards her.

The kids appeared behind him as Carmen backed away, her arms still bleeding freely. "Leave it!" she hissed.

Mike stopped short, staring at her. "Did you do it on purpose?"

Carmen looked down at her bleeding arm, behind Mike at the kids, then at him. "Sort of."

He looked alarmed. "Why?!"

Carmen looked at her arm that didn't have any cuts, then looked to her right. One of Sapphire's art tools had sort of broken and she'd left it here…but Carmen could still use it.

She lunged for it, grabbing the sharpest part and placing it on her un-cut arm.

But before she could do anything, somebody grabbed her, throwing the paint tool away.

"No, Carmen, stop!" Johnny said, his arms tightly round her, not seeming to care that he was starting to get pretty bloody too.

However, before Carmen could speak, she felt her eyes roll back and she passed out.


	2. Chapter 2

Mike finished bandaging Carmen's arm and then she left, with a small 'Thanks.'

"Better?" Johnny asked.

"Sure, I guess." Carmen shrugged.

"What's going on, Carmen?" Johnny asked.

"It's complicated." Carmen said.

"I've got lots of time." He shrugged.

"Look, Johnny, I just…"

"Don't make excuses, Carmen. Just tell me." He placed a hand on her shoulder, and her heart fluttered slightly.

"I…I'm sorry." She said simply, and she ran upstairs. As she went across the landing towards her room, Elektra grabbed her and started hitting her, and Carmen just let her throw her around, slamming her against walls and hitting her.

Eventually, Elektra stalked off. "Freak!" she said as she went. "Don't ever touch my stuff again."

Carmen ran into her bedroom, and then stopped, going back. She saw paint...Red paint, and black. She grabbed both tins and went into her room, chucking the paint all over the place, covering all traces of pink, before quickly putting the paints back and locking herself in her new black and red room.

Carmen closed her eyes, before beginning to look around her room, for anything sharp. She grabbed a glass ornament and smashed it on the wall. She unraveled her bandage and began to cut down her arm, re-opening the previous cuts. She then cut the next arm, before throwing the glass away and sitting on her bed, watching the blood run.

(About an hour after)

"Carmen, lunch is ready babes." Gina said, knocking on Carmen's door.

"I'm not hungry." Carmen called.

Gina tried to open the door, only to find Carmen had found her bedroom key, and locked it. "You have to eat, Carmen."

"No, I don't." Carmen said shortly.

Gina sighed and left.

Carmen looked down at her arms; they were still bleeding, but she had put some fresh bandages on both of her arms, so the blood was stopping.

She didn't know why she felt the need to cut, but when she did…she felt at peace with the world, like nothing could hurt her. She looked down at her bed; there was quite a bit of blood stain there, where her arms had been.

Eventually, Carmen unlocked her door and hid her key, before walking downstairs. She saw Elektra instantly, and winced, feeling the bruises where Elektra had hit her.

Elektra's mouth fell open and Carmen looked down at herself.

Shit. She was covered in blood.

"What the fuck?! MIKE!" Elektra called, but Carmen pushed past Elektra, running down to the kitchen.

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. Mike and Gina were staring at her and her clothes. The other kids were too.

"Not again…" Mike said.

"Fuck off, Mike!" Carmen said, when he touched her arm. "Leave me alone!" she stormed out the back door.


	3. Chapter 3

Carmen sat on the sofa/armchair thing outside, which was in between lots of trees. She curled her legs up, hugging them tightly to her chest. Nobody understood, and it wasn't fair. The depression caused by Lily and Elektra wasn't stopping.

Cutting was Carmen's way of escaping. She sighed and curled up, her hair fanned out on the sofa. Mike had washed those chairs the other day, but Carmen wouldn't care if it was dirty here. It was calming, though not as calming as cutting was.

Carmen nodded off to sleep, curled up into a little ball. Night came around, and eventually Johnny found her. He was surprised to see she wasn't wearing pink; he had also noticed her room wasn't pink any more, either.

Johnny sat on the spare chair, watching her for a bit, and then he stood up again, entwining his arms around her body and lifting her up. She murmured slightly, her hands settling round his neck as she slept. He chuckled softly and started carrying her inside.

"There she is! Where was she?" Gina asked, touching Carmen's hair.

Johnny thought for a bit. He didn't want Carmen to think everyone knew where she went when she was sad, so he decided not to tell. "She was asleep on the bench just outside the back door." He told Gina.

"Ah, right. Want me to take her up to bed, or do you think you can?" Mike said.

"I can do it." Johnny said. "I'm not weak or anything." He added, before taking her up to her room.

He put her in her bed, tucking her up. She'd even taken some new covers, non pink ones. She really was changing.

Johnny brushed some hair out of her face, before smiling and leaving the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

The next morning, Carmen came downstairs wearing a purple top, blue jeans and violet trainers. Her hair was straightened, and she was wearing black mascara and eyeliner.

"Morning!" she said as she entered the room, smiling brightly.

"Ugh, what are you wearing?" Lily asked.

Elektra didn't say anything. Lily looked confused as to why, but then continued by herself. "Seriously, I can't even look at you. Ugly bitch." She said. "Nobody wants to see you, at all. Why don't you just go commit suicide? I mean, you've been cutting enough already. You should just go die!" Lily said.

Everyone fell silent, staring between Lily and Carmen. She'd gone way too far that time.

Carmen's eyes were prickling with tears. She took the spaghetti from her plate and dropped it onto Lily's head, added with tomato sauce.

Lily shrieked and everyone laughed.

"Maybe you're right." Carmen said, making everyone freeze. "Maybe I should suicide."

"Carmen…" Tee said.

"Don't listen to her." Johnny said, appearing next to Carmen. "You're better than this."

Carmen looked at Johnny. "Says who?" she asked, before she grabbed her phone and put it in her pocket, before running out. They heard the front door slam.

"I hope you're happy, Lily." Johnny said, before going off after her, and all the other kids followed him.

"Elektra, wait, will you please help me?!" Lily pleaded.

"No. You're bang out of order." With those words said, Elektra left, leaving Lily to feel guilty and upset.

Carmen was just walking. She didn't know how long she'd been walking, but she was further away from the care home than she realized. It had already become night time. That was twice in a row that she'd lost track of time.

"Oi girly. What are you doing out here all alone?" it was a guy…20 years old, maybe? Carmen stopped walking and started to back off. "Hey hey, sweetheart, don't be afraid!" the guy grabbed her arm and pulled her closer.

Carmen struggled and screamed, but he dragged her off with a hand over her mouth.


	4. Chapter 4

Mike was driving around in the van. Johnny, Tee, Elektra, Frank and Faith were in the back, looking around them as Mike drove, searching for Carmen.

Suddenly Johnny spotted her. "Stop, stop the car!" he shouted. Mike pulled over and Johnny leaped out, running over to Carmen. She was on the floor, curled up. Her clothes were crumpled, and her hair was messed up, and she was whimpering.

"No more. No more." She was whispering.

"Carmen?" Johnny kneeled in front of her, his hand moving to touch her hair.

"Please." She whispered. "Johnny…"

Johnny picked her up again, bridal style like yesterday. Her hand smoved to his shoulder and she clung to him, shaking all over.

"It's all going to be fine, I promise." Johnny said.

"Sweetheart? Come on, babe, I haven't finished with you yet!" the guy's voice shouted.

Carmen clung to Johnny. "He's going to do it again! Johnny, we have to go!"

"What's he going to…mmph!" he was cut off by Carmen pressing her lips to his, then pulling away.

"Please, Johnny!" she begged.

Stunned, Johnny ran towards the van and got in, putting Carmen on the seat and slamming the door. "Mike, go!" he shouted, and Mike drove off.

Carmen curled up beside Johnny, her head in his lap, while his one hand stroked her hair and his other hand touched his lips. Why had she kissed him? Was it in the heat of the moment or something?

Johnny shook it off. He nodded off too and when he woke up, he was in his room. He got out of bed and peered into Carmen's room; she was fast asleep.

Johnny got back into bed and fell asleep.

The next morning, he headed straight to Carmen's room and went in, closing the door. She was staring at her feet.

"He raped me." She whispered.

"That guy…he raped you?!" Johnny said, fury bubbling up inside him. He turned to leave but Carmen suddenly jumped at him, and Johnny found himself with Carmen on his back.

"Don't tell anybody! I don't…want anyone to know." She said.

"But what if you're…"

"I'm not. Sapph had loads of unopened pregnancy tests in her room, so I took one. Negative. I'm fine." Carmen said.

Johnny sighed in relief and put her down. "Okay, we won't mention it again. But Carmen…"

"I'm sorry." She blurted out. "I didn't mean to kiss you, I just…my feelings for you; I had to get them out even if you don't feel the same way about m…"

Johnny kissed her, cutting her off. He felt her relax and entwine her arms around his neck. Their eyes fluttered shut as she responded.

They heard the door open and jumped apart, flustered, but Jody had already seen them.

"Guys! Guys! Johnny and Carmen are going out!" she shouted, running downstairs.

"Ah…are we?" Carmen asked.

"If you want." Johnny said.

"I do."

"Then…we are." He said, taking her hand, and then the two walked downstairs together.


	5. Chapter 5

Carmen realized that news can spread pretty fast. By lunch time, everybody was teasing and congratulating herself and Johnny on their relationship. They sat together at lunch and chatted with everyone, and for the first time in weeks Carmen felt happy without cutting.

But that was never going to last. Lily spoke up.

"Hey, Johnny, how come you're dating that ugly bitch?" she asked. "I mean come on, there's nothing to like about her. She's on the brink of committing suicide, and you deserve better. Like me." She said, flirtily.

"Shut it, Lily." Johnny warned, but Carmen had already gone.

Carmen stormed upstairs, anger and hurt flowing through her. She locked herself in her room and began to shout out in frustration, throwing things everywhere, and using anything sharp to reopen her two day old cuts.

"Open the door! CARMEN!" Johnny shouted.

Carmen froze mid cut, and let out a cry as the glass slipped further into her arm. She opened the door, let Johnny in, then locked it again, starting to try to pull the glass out.

Johnny got it out easily, and helped Carmen clean up after treating her arms. "You've gotta stop." He said softly.

"But…it's so…it gives me relief, Johnny." Carmen said.

"It's not the same. Please, Carmen, I'm begging you. Stop cutting." Johnny said.

"I'll try." She whispered. "But only for you."

Johnny placed a hand on her cheek and pulled her in for a kiss, which she returned sweetly.

"I'm glad you're my boyfriend." Carmen said quietly.

"And I'm glad you're my girlfriend." Johnny said, smiling and stroking her hair. "You're the only one for me, Carmen."

"You're always going to be the only one for me, too. I have a feeling that we're never going to break up." She said.

"Me too. I really hope we don't."

"Same." Carmen said, before the two finished clearing up and headed downstairs to watch tV with some of the others.

"Listen up everyone, Lily's leaving to go to Scotland with her dad." Mike said.

"For a holiday?" Elektra asked.

"No, to live. So she'll be in here soon to say her goodbyes." Mike walked out and everyone began cheering, but they stopped when Lily stepped in.

"I'm going to miss you all." She said.

"We're not going to miss you." Elektra said.

Lily started crying and she ran out of the room.

"Good riddance." Johnny muttered.

"Bitch." Carmen agreed, then everyone went back to watching TV.


	6. Chapter 6

Carmen was curled up in Johnny's lap when Mike came in.

"HI Mike." Carmen said, not even bothering to move.

"What's wrong?" Johnny said, frowning as he realized Mike looked very serious.

"Johnny, can I talk to you in the office please?" he asked.

Carmen moved so that Johnny could get up and follow Mike, which he did, flashing a smile to Carmen as he went.

Elektra walked in and frowned after Johnny. "What's that about?"

"I dunno…I'm sure Johnny will tell me after, though." Carmen said.

"Mike told Tee to go as well…must be a family thing." Rick said.

"Yeah…must be." Carmen said, before the three began to watch TV together. About half an hour later, Johnny and Tee entered with excited faces.

"Guess what?! Guys, our mum's back! She's taking us home!" Tee said excitedly.

"For good!" Johnny added.

Elektra and Rick froze, before their eyes looked to Carmen.

She was smiling at him, but there were tears in her eyes. Johnny and Tee were too far away for her to see her tears. "Th-that's great." She said, before Carmen rushed past them both, letting tears spill down her face.

She locked herself in her room and cried. Carmen had thought that Johnny would always be there for her…that he would always stay with her, until they left the DG. But she had obviously thought wrong. Maybe…he didn't really care about her at all.

Carmen lunged for a knife she'd salvaged out of the kitchen and dragged it down her arms, feeling sadness and anger cling to her. But…weirdly…she didn't feel calm. She felt the pain of her weeks cutting suddenly come rushing back.

Carmen let out a shriek of pain, but cut the other arm anyway, before throwing the knife towards the window. It smashed through it, still bloody.

Crying and whimpering, Carmen curled up and closed her eyes, sobbing even more as the pain came over her. However, she made no attempt to move from where she was; the middle of the carpet.

She had no idea why this upset her so much; Johnny was her boyfriend, sure, but…that didn't mean she had to get like this. This was how her mother had always reacted when her boyfriends broke up with her…

Carmen felt abandoned…and mixed with the anger and hurt from Johnny and Tee leaving…plus the pain of her cuts…her crying didn't seem to want to stop.

"S…stop…" she whispered. "Please, no more…" she was sort of talking to her tears and yet it wasn't working, if that was what Carmen was expecting.

A knock on her door made Carmen look up, but she didn't move. "Go away!" she choked.

"Carmen? Um…Johnny and Tee are going now…" Mike called.

"I don't CARE! I hate them, I hate him, he's abandoning me, I thought he'd never ever do that. NOBODY WANTS ME, I'M WORTHLESS!" Carmen screamed, then her screaming eventually got reduced to sobbing and choking and crying.

"Open the door, babes." Gina said.

"NO." Carmen shouted, in between her crying. "Just leave me alone! Nobody wants me, nobody cares, I'm worth nothing, I AM nothing…that's why nobody wants me!"

"That's not true and you know it." Gina said. "Now…come say goodbye. I thought Johnny was your boyfriend, yeah? It doesn't have to end this way."

"I thought he was, too." Carmen said, and from there, she said nothing.

When she heard car doors slamming, though, she crawled over to the window and looked out.

"BYE!" all the kids were calling, waving at the car.

Johnny and Tee stuck their heads out, waving. Neither of them looked up or saw her…and as the car pulled away, Carmen felt more alone than ever.


	7. Chapter 7

"Carmen. Please come out." Mike said, knocking on the door.

"No!" Carmen shouted. Her voice was still cracked from crying so much.

"It's been two days and the only time you've come out is when we're all distracted. You've got a lot of food and stuff in there, but that's no excuse. You need to eat with us." Gina said.

"Why?! All I'm going to get is judgments and annoyed comments from everyone because I didn't say goodbye to Tee and Johnny. I have my reasons, alright?!"

Gina and Mike sighed. Carmen heard Elektra talking to them.

"I thought getting families back together took time?!" she said.

"It does." Mike said.

"So how come Johnny and Tee got back with their mum in five seconds flat?!"

"Their mum had been doing the paperwork for weeks, it was all planned. Didn't they tell you?" Gina said.

Carmen's heart felt like it had shattered into pieces. Planned for weeks, _weeks, _and neither of them said a word!

Carmen choked out another sob, and Elektra must of heard, because she knocked on the door.

"Carmen let me in." she said softly.

"Just you." Carmen said, opening the door enough for Elektra to slip in, before closing it and locking it again.

"Still feeling rough, huh?" Elektra said, sitting on the floor opposite Carmen.

"I really thought, for once, I meant something to someone. I thought that he'd tell me everything and always be there for me. I should have known better." Carmen said.

"Maybe…maybe he had a good reason." Elektra said.

"What kind of good reason could he have possibly had?!" Carmen snapped.

"Well…he might not have told you because he didn't want to hurt you…or himself." Elektra said.

Carmen almost slapped her forehead. Of course, of course! That was the most obvious thing in the world! Of course Johnny wouldn't want to hurt her. But Carmen was still upset.

"I know, but…I wouldn't have cared if he'd just _told _me…"

"Why are you so hurt, Carm?"

"Because…I love him, Elektra. I love him." Carmen said.

Elektra looked shocked. "You _love _him?"

"At first, I wasn't sure at all, and kept thinking I only thought I loved him because he was so nice to me. But I know it's true, I know I love him, and I just can't bear it that he even thought about not telling me something like this!" Carmen started to cry again, and Elektra pulled her into a hug.

Eventually, Carmen fell asleep mid-crying, and Elektra tucked her friend up in her bed. Elektra took Carmen's bedroom key, left the room, locked it from the outside, then slid the key back inside, so that Carmen could unlock it if she needed to.

"Did you talk to her?" Mike asked, as Elektra headed downstairs.

"Yes, I did." Elektra replied.

The whole Dumping Ground gathered round.

"What did she say?" Rick asked.

"She feels abandoned, and alone, and she could barely stop crying." Elektra said.

"But why does she care so much?" Tyler asked.

Elektra paused. "Carmen said…that she's in love with Johnny."

"Really?" Jody asked.

"Oh, hi Jody, didn't realize you were back." Elektra said.

"Yeah, it didn't really work out like I thought." Jody said, shrugging. "Never mind that."

Faith frowned. "Poor Carmen."

"Why poor Carmen?" Elektra asked.

"Love is complicated, okay? When somebody you're in love with leaves you, and you think they were always going to be with you…I know what it's like. It feels as if your whole life becomes nothing, like your whole heart is shattered, with no means of repair. And some people who go through this…" Faith trailed off.

"Wait, don't tell me…" Gina said.

Faith swallowed. "Some people who go through this kind of thing get into a serious state of depression…the kind of depression that makes you commit suicide."


	8. Chapter 8

Everyone stood there, shocked.

"But…but what can we do?!" Jody asked.

Faith shook her head solemnly. "We have to try and make her happy…or else she'll get the depression."

"But how can we make her happy when her boyfriend has left, with possible chances of her never seeing him again?" Elektra asked.

"You'll think of something. We all will." Kitty said.

"Whoa! Where are all these people coming from, seriously?!" Elektra sighed. "So…are you better?" she asked Kitty.

Kitty smiled brightly. "Yeah, I'm better now, thanks. But anyway…what do you think we can do?"

"Well…" The phone ringing cut Faith off. Kitty was nearest to it, and answered.

"Hello?" Kitty said. Her eyes widened. "Johnny, hi! Yeah, um, I'm back…what? Oh, er, about Carmen…she…" Kitty explained everything she knew and when she'd finished, she smiled. "Sure, sounds good. See you tomorrow, then." She made a 'thumbs up' sign to the others. "Bye!" then she put the phone down.

"What's he going to do?" Gina asked.

"He's coming to visit tomorrow, to speak to Carmen." Kitty said.

"That's great and all, but what if that makes it worse?" Elektra said.

"Johnny, for a while, was the only one who could make Carmen happy, Elektra. It might just help." Faith said.

The next day, when Johnny knocked at the door, Kitty answered it.

"Hey. So where is she?" Johnny asked as Kitty let him in and closed the door.

"Up in her room." Kitty said. "Good luck." She said, patting his shoulder before heading to the living room.

Johnny walked upstairs and knocked on Carmen's door. "Carmen?"

"J-Johnny?! What are you doing here?" It was obvious that Carmen was crying.

"Please let me in." Johnny said.

"Why?! You'll just abandon me again!" Carmen snapped.

"Carmen please." Johnny's own voice cracked. "I don't want to abandon you, please just hear me out."

At the sound of his voice, Carmen weakened, and let him in, before locking the door behind him.

She turned to face him to see he was trying not to cry at the state she was in.

Carmen couldn't bear it, and so she threw her arms around him and they stood there, hugging each other.

"I'm so sorry, Carmen." Johnny said.

"I'm sorry I reacted that way." Carmen said.

"It's just…" Johnny pulled away and sat on Carmen's bed, with her beside him. He closed his eyes. "Mum said if we don't move back in with her she's going to make her boyfriend…hurt our most precious friends."

"What?! She threatened you?!" Carmen said, shocked.

"I'm sorry Carmen, I'm so sorry." Johnny said, tears starting to fall.

"Don't cry, Johnny, please." Carmen said, wiping his tears away and kissing him. "We need to do something."

"But my most precious friend is you, because you're my girlfriend, and I love you." Johnny said.

"I love you too, but…you can't live with them in a battlefield, Johnny. She won't be able to hurt me with Mike and Gina around, I know that."

"You're right…maybe I should talk to Mike." Johnny said.

Carmen smiled. "If that's what you want."

"Of course it is. I don't want to be with her, I want to be here with my friends and my girlfriend. Tee wants to be here too." Johnny said.

And so, once they were cleaned up the two walked downstairs, hand in hand.

The others cheered at the smile on Carmen's face, and Johnny spoke to Mike.

Within an hour, Tee and all hers and Johnny's things were at the Dumping Ground.

Their mother gave Carmen an evil look, to which Carmen smiled sweetly, before going to help Johnny and Tee unpack.

Carmen was happy again.


	9. Epilogue

_And that's basically it!_

_After that, I stopped cutting and I let my arms heal. Johnny and I have been together for 3 years now, and when we leave at 16, we're going to get a flat together, with Tee and Tyler, when they leave a year later. They got together about 1 year ago._

_So, this is the point in fairytales when they say:_

_And so the beautiful princess and the handsome prince stayed together in their castle for many years, and eventually got married. The two of them, and all their friends at Elm Tree castle lived happily ever after._

_So, that's the end of this story, but remember: Don't bring self harm to yourself, talk to someone. You have to stop, or it will get worse. That's something I learned from experience. And don't worry: your handsome prince or beautiful princess will come along some day. Don't give up hope._

_Lots of love,_

_Carmen Howle xxxx_

**That's the end of Jar of Hearts! But don't worry, Carmen and Johnny might _possibly _be back in a sequel, but I'm still thinking about that. Hope you enjoyed this story, and the little letter from Carmen at the end. Charlotte xx  
**


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